For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to try to get myself in better shape - really, who doesn't wish they were in better shape? I've joined gyms before, tried healthy eating, and all those good things, but after awhile, the "I'm busy" or "next time" excuses just became to much of an occurrence that I had just abandoned things all together.
One of the main reasons for me wanting to get into better shape is because of my hopes of spending a lot of time at the beach over summer. I love going to the beach, and socializing with friends as do most people, but I think I can count the times on one hand that I've actually taken my shirt off at the beach. People would always say not to worry, I'd have nothing to worry about, there are much bigger people than me, the latter being true, I realize that, but it still didn't matter. I would just feel so shy and nervous that I almost never did it.
So over the past couple of days I've made a point of trying to not only eat, but drink much healthier. I've almost cut out pop entirely for over the past month, minus a time or two at a restaurant, but my eating habits still left much to be desired. I've gone from chips and chocolate muffins to water or juice and a fruit salad. I've also started drinking chocolate milk a lot more - I've always loved it, most know milk is obviously high in calcium, but it is especially great for protein as well.
So where is the wake up call....Well I suppose there was two really. Part of me just got really tired of...well....being really tired. So often I'd have no energy, be doing the occasional head drops in classes because I'm so tired, or even worse, having trouble staying awake on the road back home. As I said it has only been a couple of days, but the difference already in energy alone has been very noticeable. I'm still going to take my naps - how could I not - but they will not be nearly as frequent as in the past, when I heavily depended on them to get through my day because I was so run down.
The other was tonight at the gym. I had done a light workout in my room here Sunday night, worked my arms with a rubber band I have, and some sit ups and push ups (albeit barely on the push ups :( ) with the knowledge that I am significantly out of shape, but it wasn't until tonight where I thought just what the hell have I been doing to myself from a diet point of view. I wouldn't hesitate a lot of times either before I'd leave Winnipeg, or when I got back into Brandon to stop by McDonalds or something like that for a quick meal as I unpacked, or going there with friends back home in Winnipeg. I don't think I lasted 8 minutes on the treadmill because my chest was hurting so much - and the shoes I brought with me are worn on the back, so I knew if I kept going I would be getting a brutal blister on my left heel, needless to say I will be going shoe shopping tomorrow. I don't really need to be spending 150-200 bucks on shoes, but I figure it will help keep me motivated, putting that much money into it. Why spend it obviously if it is going to sit in its box in the closet?
I'm not sure why, I really have no reason to believe it to be true since I've tried this before and failed, but I really think this time will be different in terms of finally getting myself into a condition that I am happy with. It's only been a couple of days, I realize that, but I think the awareness of just how out of shape I am, coupled with the benefits I already feel only after a short while of changing my eating habits plus the financial investment in new shoes should be enough to keep me going this time...or so I hope.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Untitled
So I'm not really sure how to go about saying all of what I am going to say, I'm just going to type and keep typing until there is nothing left to say. I've considered doing something like this on a couple of occasions, but thought what would it prove or accomplish. As I sit here now, it's not about what this proves or accomplishes, it doesn't have to prove or accomplish anything. It's about me, and that is good enough.
For my whole life, I have had awful, terrible luck with women. I have had my heart broken (I know lots have) and whenever someone of interest comes along, I always end up on the short end of the stick. I don't know what it is about myself, I mean I know I am not the most in shape, or the best looking person around, but at the end of the day, I would like to think that I am able to offer more qualities than the average person - and yes I am tooting my own horn.
Since I can remember, going back to high school even, I've always been the guy that was "cute" or "sweet", or a great friend, or other ridiculous judgments (including since I was a "nice guy" this one person didn't see me being into anything other than "polite" sex - perfectly logical conclusion I think. Of course I am not being sarcastic whatsoever ;)) but almost never relationship material, for whatever the reasons may be. I cannot put into words enough how absolutely fucking frustrated I am of being passed over time and time again, or having people say they aren't looking for something, or being led on (especially this), only to have them say shortly after in a general conversation that they are also talking to the guy they like or are trying to get with, something of that nature. It would be nice if for one time someone would actually have the fucking backbone to say something along the lines of "I'm not interested, here's why..." I guess hoping for honesty is a bit to much. My bad. Needless to say but this has been something I have been keeping in for quite some time.
I suppose my frustration also grows from hearing others complain about how bad to them their significant other yes, yet when told the obvious - leave them - they refuse to for whatever the reasons may be....newsflash! Maybe the reason they treat you like shit is because they know they can get away with it, it isn't a difficult concept, I don't think. Yet here I am, knowing what I can provide for someone, it makes me roll my eyes - Yes I am tooting my own horn again. Funny how being an asshole seems to work for some people. I guess my thoughts constantly vary, or maybe all blend in with each other. Occasionally I will think it is their loss, or I will think what did I do wrong, or as of late, just fuck it all together.
The more I think about women, the more I think about how happy I'd be having an established career, a nice home, and a house with dogs. Whenever you come home, no matter if you have the career you want, work at McDonalds, are unemployed, ran someone over GTA style, robbed a bank, or took money from the collection at Church (okay the last few examples are extreme, but I'm making a point) the instant you come in the door, your dog is there running to the door, wagging their tail, and showing you how much they missed you. You always make sure they have their food and water, and they curl up with you on the couch as you watch TSN most of the night, and always make you laugh when they play with their toys. The unconditional love and affection you get from a dog is unparalleled to anything else, which begs the question....
....Why do I even bother. Wish I knew, but I do, and will still continue to. Perhaps it is the hope that someone will be different than the rest, but I'm certainly not holding my breath.
For my whole life, I have had awful, terrible luck with women. I have had my heart broken (I know lots have) and whenever someone of interest comes along, I always end up on the short end of the stick. I don't know what it is about myself, I mean I know I am not the most in shape, or the best looking person around, but at the end of the day, I would like to think that I am able to offer more qualities than the average person - and yes I am tooting my own horn.
Since I can remember, going back to high school even, I've always been the guy that was "cute" or "sweet", or a great friend, or other ridiculous judgments (including since I was a "nice guy" this one person didn't see me being into anything other than "polite" sex - perfectly logical conclusion I think. Of course I am not being sarcastic whatsoever ;)) but almost never relationship material, for whatever the reasons may be. I cannot put into words enough how absolutely fucking frustrated I am of being passed over time and time again, or having people say they aren't looking for something, or being led on (especially this), only to have them say shortly after in a general conversation that they are also talking to the guy they like or are trying to get with, something of that nature. It would be nice if for one time someone would actually have the fucking backbone to say something along the lines of "I'm not interested, here's why..." I guess hoping for honesty is a bit to much. My bad. Needless to say but this has been something I have been keeping in for quite some time.
I suppose my frustration also grows from hearing others complain about how bad to them their significant other yes, yet when told the obvious - leave them - they refuse to for whatever the reasons may be....newsflash! Maybe the reason they treat you like shit is because they know they can get away with it, it isn't a difficult concept, I don't think. Yet here I am, knowing what I can provide for someone, it makes me roll my eyes - Yes I am tooting my own horn again. Funny how being an asshole seems to work for some people. I guess my thoughts constantly vary, or maybe all blend in with each other. Occasionally I will think it is their loss, or I will think what did I do wrong, or as of late, just fuck it all together.
The more I think about women, the more I think about how happy I'd be having an established career, a nice home, and a house with dogs. Whenever you come home, no matter if you have the career you want, work at McDonalds, are unemployed, ran someone over GTA style, robbed a bank, or took money from the collection at Church (okay the last few examples are extreme, but I'm making a point) the instant you come in the door, your dog is there running to the door, wagging their tail, and showing you how much they missed you. You always make sure they have their food and water, and they curl up with you on the couch as you watch TSN most of the night, and always make you laugh when they play with their toys. The unconditional love and affection you get from a dog is unparalleled to anything else, which begs the question....
....Why do I even bother. Wish I knew, but I do, and will still continue to. Perhaps it is the hope that someone will be different than the rest, but I'm certainly not holding my breath.
Why?
So why the change in blog title. Well it's simple really. For pretty much all of my life, I have felt compelled to do and say the right things, and based on the way things are in my life, and events that have happened at various points, I have been asking myself why lately, and as time has gone on, I've been simply running out of reasons why. More times than I can count I have internalized my feelings, or held back on my thoughts either for the benefit of others, or I have been worried about what people may think of me.
I feel the time has come for a change. That's not to say I am going to intentionally go out of my way to be an asshole or things like that, far from it. There are a wide range of emotions that I am tired of feeling, which admittedly is my fault based on how I have conducted myself for so long.
Lately in my personal reflections, I've pondered to myself how fed up I have become with trying to be everyone's best friend. Whether it is someone who comes to me with a re-occurring issue that is self inflicted, and yet they wonder why things happen to them, or trying to do nice gestures for certain people in hopes that it will pay off later on. To clarify, that's not to imply I only do nice things when I do something, I'm happy to help someone in a bind, but repetitively going out of my way to do things for some people has gotten me absolutely nowhere, and I am tired of feeling like I've been made a fool of. Now I am not going to turn my blog into a bitch fest, I have no desire to do that, I will still happily include my thoughts on sports and on other topics, but I refuse to restrain myself any more. I accept that probably a lot of people will think this change in my personality, and in turn, my writing will be for the negative, and I suppose that is your call to make, but frankly, I can't say that I care all that much.
So I realize this whole post is pretty unorganized, I understand if it is hard to follow but sometimes when I write and have a bunch of thoughts, I will sacrifice organization so I can say what is on my mind.
I feel the time has come for a change. That's not to say I am going to intentionally go out of my way to be an asshole or things like that, far from it. There are a wide range of emotions that I am tired of feeling, which admittedly is my fault based on how I have conducted myself for so long.
Lately in my personal reflections, I've pondered to myself how fed up I have become with trying to be everyone's best friend. Whether it is someone who comes to me with a re-occurring issue that is self inflicted, and yet they wonder why things happen to them, or trying to do nice gestures for certain people in hopes that it will pay off later on. To clarify, that's not to imply I only do nice things when I do something, I'm happy to help someone in a bind, but repetitively going out of my way to do things for some people has gotten me absolutely nowhere, and I am tired of feeling like I've been made a fool of. Now I am not going to turn my blog into a bitch fest, I have no desire to do that, I will still happily include my thoughts on sports and on other topics, but I refuse to restrain myself any more. I accept that probably a lot of people will think this change in my personality, and in turn, my writing will be for the negative, and I suppose that is your call to make, but frankly, I can't say that I care all that much.
So I realize this whole post is pretty unorganized, I understand if it is hard to follow but sometimes when I write and have a bunch of thoughts, I will sacrifice organization so I can say what is on my mind.
Really.....Really?!
So I have these pet peeve of people either stopping instantly as they walk in front of you, or stopping at the entrance or an exit of something (building, door to a house, whatever) but I think today took the cake.
I was leaving the Safeway that is close to my house, and they have these automatic doors with these railings on both sides that extend going out towards the parking lot. So this person who was either completely oblivious to everything around her, or quite simply just plain stupid, stops right at the end of these railings so no one could exit the store on this one side. Now she had a full cart, so I'm not sure if she was expecting the person she was with to pull up with the car in front of the doors (which is of course illegal as a fire hazard, nice going ass hat) or whatever the case may be, but even as people were attempting to squeeze through, she refused to move. Pure idiocy!
I was leaving the Safeway that is close to my house, and they have these automatic doors with these railings on both sides that extend going out towards the parking lot. So this person who was either completely oblivious to everything around her, or quite simply just plain stupid, stops right at the end of these railings so no one could exit the store on this one side. Now she had a full cart, so I'm not sure if she was expecting the person she was with to pull up with the car in front of the doors (which is of course illegal as a fire hazard, nice going ass hat) or whatever the case may be, but even as people were attempting to squeeze through, she refused to move. Pure idiocy!
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