Untitled

So I'm not really sure how to go about saying all of what I am going to say, I'm just going to type and keep typing until there is nothing left to say. I've considered doing something like this on a couple of occasions, but thought what would it prove or accomplish. As I sit here now, it's not about what this proves or accomplishes, it doesn't have to prove or accomplish anything. It's about me, and that is good enough.

For my whole life, I have had awful, terrible luck with women. I have had my heart broken (I know lots have) and whenever someone of interest comes along, I always end up on the short end of the stick. I don't know what it is about myself, I mean I know I am not the most in shape, or the best looking person around, but at the end of the day, I would like to think that I am able to offer more qualities than the average person - and yes I am tooting my own horn.

Since I can remember, going back to high school even, I've always been the guy that was "cute" or "sweet", or a great friend, or other ridiculous judgments (including since I was a "nice guy" this one person didn't see me being into anything other than "polite" sex - perfectly logical conclusion I think. Of course I am not being sarcastic whatsoever ;)) but almost never relationship material, for whatever the reasons may be. I cannot put into words enough how absolutely fucking frustrated I am of being passed over time and time again, or having people say they aren't looking for something, or being led on (especially this), only to have them say shortly after in a general conversation that they are also talking to the guy they like or are trying to get with, something of that nature. It would be nice if for one time someone would actually have the fucking backbone to say something along the lines of "I'm not interested, here's why..." I guess hoping for honesty is a bit to much. My bad. Needless to say but this has been something I have been keeping in for quite some time.

I suppose my frustration also grows from hearing others complain about how bad to them their significant other yes, yet when told the obvious - leave them - they refuse to for whatever the reasons may be....newsflash! Maybe the reason they treat you like shit is because they know they can get away with it, it isn't a difficult concept, I don't think. Yet here I am, knowing what I can provide for someone, it makes me roll my eyes - Yes I am tooting my own horn again. Funny how being an asshole seems to work for some people. I guess my thoughts constantly vary, or maybe all blend in with each other. Occasionally I will think it is their loss, or I will think what did I do wrong, or as of late, just fuck it all together.

The more I think about women, the more I think about how happy I'd be having an established career, a nice home, and a house with dogs. Whenever you come home, no matter if you have the career you want, work at McDonalds, are unemployed, ran someone over GTA style, robbed a bank, or took money from the collection at Church (okay the last few examples are extreme, but I'm making a point) the instant you come in the door, your dog is there running to the door, wagging their tail, and showing you how much they missed you. You always make sure they have their food and water, and they curl up with you on the couch as you watch TSN most of the night, and always make you laugh when they play with their toys. The unconditional love and affection you get from a dog is unparalleled to anything else, which begs the question....

....Why do I even bother. Wish I knew, but I do, and will still continue to. Perhaps it is the hope that someone will be different than the rest, but I'm certainly not holding my breath.